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| Orogbangba Damola Tomiwa |
Even the meaning of love is extremely subjective, but I say for certain that anyone who’s experienced it knows it’s the best feeling ever. Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times.
Once you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to remember how you lived without him/her. Of course, you were alive before you met this person, but you really didn’t start “living” until the two of you met.When you are really in love with someone, it’s always a scary feeling, just because you are afraid of losing him/her.
It’s tough out there in the dating world. Sometimes it is tempting to settle because the idea of being with someone is comforting.
However, being in a relationship is different from marriage. Your relationship life is just 5% of what you will see in your marriage. Also most youths of nowadays tend to forget that wedding is an initiation into marriage. They believe preparing for wedding is same as marriage. Weddingis just few hours and marriage is for life time.
Meanwhile, a wrong selection of a partner will lead to broken home and the spouses will start to curse the day they met and got married just because they nevertook their time to know if they are really meant to be together.
Some people are having nasty experiences in marriage, including Christian couples, not because they have problem with their partners, but because they never took time to prepare themselves. So many people thought marriage is about just getting a partner, or if they can find someone who is tall, rich, handsome,Holy Ghost filled and naira loaded.
Most of us seek a partner, for life or at least for a while. But how do we choose? After all, we meet hundreds, even thousands, of people in the course of our daily lives. What makes two people pick one another from among the myriad available candidates? Although, we grow to like those around us and those with whom we have frequent contact, the more time we spend with someone, the greater the chances that we’ll like, accept, and fall in love with him or her. But it might not work out if you don’t prepare well for it. Some have gotten married like that—only to wake up after some few days and the wife looked at the man and say “I never knew you were like this” and the husband looked at the wife and said “as a matter of fact you are the worst thing that has ever happened to me in life”—all because they never took time to understand each other.
What to consider before jumping into any relationship
In the actual sense, there are a lot of factors that contribute to a good relationship. I strongly believe that behavioural tendencies, physical characteristics, and personality features will promote the mutual feeling you have developed and enhance the chances to survival and sustain both parties to the end. Love can only stand on what you’ve built underneath it. Love cannot be on a same level; I mean love cannot remain the same way you started it. It will surely fade away- and at that point you need something to sustain it. You must have something you love in a person before jump into marriage, because when the love binging to fade, you will have something to revive it and get it stronger again.
It takes more than love for your relationship to work. Although love is the foundation of any happy relationship, love is not enough.
Strong relationships don’t just happen. In order to have a flourishing relationship with your significant other you have to do the work. After all, a healthy relationship is an important component for living a great life.
Physical attraction in mating game
Physical beauty is an important life advantage, and it is of fundamental significance in the mating game. Most people do not want to spend their life with someone they find physically repellent to their taste.
Personality and Character
Competent people, that is to say intelligent and socially skilled, are considered more attractive. Kind people with a warm personality are also more attractive. Warm and wise is a winning pair in the mate selection tournament. However, it is advisable for you to know the basic temperament of that person. Is that person you are in love with phlegmatic, choleric, sanguine or melancholic. No matter the outward beauty—after a few times together the beauty will turn to ugliness. Character sustains beauty, destiny and plays major part in a relationship.
Similarity
This is without a doubt the most powerful finding in this area. We are drawn to people who are like us. Christians will appeal to other Christians. Educated people are drawn to other educated people, leftists love leftists, extroverts love extroverts, etc. On almost every parameter of background, personality, values, and experience, we prefer someone who has a lot in common with us over someone who is totally different from us, and also over someone who ‘completes’ or compliments us.
How to select a Life Partner
Meeting someone who suddenly makes you feel alive and loved is very exciting.
You may think no one has ever made you feel like this and you can’t help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many people in relationships start this way. But sadly they don’t take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious.
Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they sprang up.
The wisest man in the bible, King Solomon said, “Guard your affections, for out of them, come the issues of life”. I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated. We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.
When selecting your life partner, it is important for you to follow your heart and not to get carried away with unnecessary things that might cause broken home. Marriage is about meeting needs. You make sure you end up with someone who can meet your needs. There are certain basic needs in a man’slife that he can never meet by himself, so also to woman. You don’t learn how to shoot in a battle front, you learn before the battle begins- otherwise you will become a victim. You don’t prepare in marriage, you prepare for marriage.
If your dream is to marry an extrovert and a melancholic person, on no condition should you change your mind all because the guy is rich and handsome. If you mistakenly marry an introvert and a choleric person when you are opposite and you are motor-mouthed (loquacious) you might not enjoy the marriage and you will end up hurting yourself.
When a lady is ready to choose a partner,it is important for her to know shedeserves a man who is always willing to do anything for her. But you must not get carried away with their sweet words because statistically men fall in lust first. I have never seen a man who can boldly say he is not attracted with the physical feature of a lady before asking her out. But a lady who feels the man is good for her can positively change the lust to love.
When choosing a partner, we tend to compromise regarding emotional stability if the potential partner is very attractive physically. Alternatively, we may agree to accept a less attractive partner if they are exceptionally stable and emotionally sound.
When choosing a partner, we frequently engage in internal negotiations whereby the value of romantic love is pitted against the value of social status and economic security. If the love is strong, we may sacrifice security or economic status. If the potential partner’s status is high, we may compromise regarding the intensity of our romantic feelings.
Don’t rush
When you start dating,you need to utilise your little time together to know and be able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. This takes time. There is no more valuable friend to a dating relationship than time. But sadly, many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love. So they push hard and quickly to feel that overwhelming emotion that says, I am in love.
Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake. Be patient with the process. Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity that will lead to hurt unimaginable.
If you go too far you could get hurt mentally because of a bad break-up. Just because a guy says they like something about you doesn’t mean you need to get in a relationship. Some guys can sweet talk but it doesn’t mean you need to fall head over heels for them.
The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn’t allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. After a 22 minute episode or a 90 minute move we are left thinking the most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment.
When you rush into something, you could be setting yourself up for a broken heart. You may also be setting your partner up for a broken heart. So, make sure you think it through.
When you rush into a relationship, it could turn bad and you could end up spending the majority of your time trying to build the bad relationship up. This is going to take more energy and anxiety.You could end up regretting the relationship. You should try and live your life the way you want and think out every detail of what you are going to do. This way, you will not have any regrets in life.
How to make your relationship strong
Romantic relationships are important for our happiness and well-being. Yet with more than 50 percent of new marriages ending in divorce, it’s clear that relationships aren’t always easy.
Communication is a key piece of healthy relationships. Healthy couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis. It’s important to talk about more than just parenting and maintaining the household, however, it is better to try to spend a few minutes each day discussing deeper or more personal subjects to stay connected to your partner over the long term.
Disagreements are part of any partnership, but some fighting styles are particularly damaging. Couples that use destructive behaviour during arguments — such as yelling, resorting to personal criticisms or withdrawing from the discussion — are more likely to break up than couples that fight constructively.
Keeping your relationship interesting is one of the major factors to make your relationship strong. Intimacy is also a critical component of romantic relationships. Some busy couples find it helpful to schedule sex by putting it on the calendar. It may not be spontaneous to have it written in red ink, but setting aside time for an intimate encounter helps ensure that your physical and emotional needs are met.
When you meet the right person
You mighthave managed to elude love for the entirety of your life, but surely at a point of your career you will meet this scintillating lady/captivating guy.
She/he willgo from being someone who made you smile to being the greatest catalyst of the happiness and joy in of your life. She/hewill go from a gorgeous/handsome girl/guy you have ever met to the most beautiful/handsome girl/guy I know. She/he will move from your crush to the love of your life.
They might have some imperfections. But, to you, they’re not imperfections — they’re unique qualities and things you love.Love is the ability to know and accept someone’s faults.
You may know the imperfections of a person you like, but having the capacity to embrace them likely won’t happen unless you fall in love.
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